#Day6

 Yeah, I didn't write anything for 2 days. I don't know why, but, if I am feeling so blue, I can't write a journal. I can write a poem though. 

I don't like if anyone knows that I am feeling miserable. So, I just talked to God two days ago about what I felt and didn't write anything.

Alhamdulillah, I got better today. Maybe because I felt so sick, the caugh and the fever really got me down. So, I told my students that I couldn't teach yesterday which is Saturday which is one the busiest day. I've counted that I lost much money because I didn't teach from morning until afternoon 😂 in the evening, I taught 3 online students, since one of the mothers has already paid the whole month at the beginning, otherwise, I would cancel the classes too. But, yeah, responsibility. 

When we feel responsible no matter how much we are tired and sick, we have to keep going.

The fever has gone, the cough still stays. It's even worse I guess. My mom made me drink lime juice many times, but it hasn't cured the cough. Although yes, I sometimes still eat fried food hehe.. My throat is itchy..

But alhamdulillah, I live with my mother. She always takes care of me when I am sick. She gives me massages, makes me many kind of fruit juices and cooks the suitable meal for sick people hehe..

And now my mom is sick too 😔 I spread my ill to her. 

I have no idea, but since I got covid vaccines, I get sick easily. I was not like this before that. I feel regret now, but, what can I do, it was a mandatory to get the vaccines. 

May Allah always give my family and I abundant wealthy and healthy 😊

Anyway, I got better, I could teach again today. I had 5 online students. 

In the afternoon, one of my students was surprised when I was about to end the class. She said, "Really, it has been an hour already?" and I answered with a chuckle, yesssss. 

"Omg, you know, I told my mom that every time I study with you, it doesn't feel like an hour. It feels like only 5 minutes." 

😂😂

Then, this time, I laughed, "YOU DO LOVE ENGLISH!" I said that to her. 

It made my day. I felt happy she told me that. 

Morever, actually, her brother also wanted to study with me. I don't know why, but every time I teach an older sister, their little sibling wants to study as well with me. 

But, I refused. Honestly, it's easier for me to teach teenagers and adults. 

Alhamdulillah, for everything

I know that we will not feel sad every day.

Allah will heal our wounds, our hearts from something small but really works for making us happy.

I guess, that's all for today. 

Because I drink a lot, it makes me back and forth to go the bathroom 😓  

So I need to go now.. Bye 👋

#Day5

Masha Allah.. Alhamdulillah.. 

I'm so tired today 🥹 

My intention before I resigned from the school was I wanted to study English more. So that, I could improve the level. 

But, I don't think it works like I wanted 🥹

I used to work from 6 to (almost) 6 or there was time it was until 10 pm 

The last job before I work from home was 11 hours a day from Monday to Friday with 2 days off on weekends. 

And now, I work from home and at two schools; only one day for one school in the afternoon. So I work 2 days a week at schools 

Today, I started teaching at 9.30 am until 9.18 pm

I had 2 students online in the morning. I taught 2 classes (with +20 students in the class) in the afternoon, and I had 2 online students in the evening. 

I guess, Allah still hasn't allowed me to study more 🥹

He gives me much more provision to work to teach.. Alhamdulillah I work even much more than before, longer than before 

I am tired and I feel sick now

My voice started becoming sexy due to the cough 😂

However, Alhamdulillah I teach the subject which I am learning it as well.. 

So, I can kill two birds with one stone? 😅

Okay, that's all for tonight. 

I'm happy Alhamdulillah.. 

But I still have much desire to study more...

I believe Allah will grant me that one day..

-at least, I still have a little energy to keep writing my journal 😁

#Day4

 Hi, I'm back.

You know, I've shut down my laptop. But, I turned it on again because I remember I haven't written on the blog. 

So, today, nothing special.

But, wait. There is something special. 

I feel more excited to achieve my dreams. I believe in Allah even more now and put all my hope only on Him. 

There were things that happened today. Ergo, I'm determined to pursue my dreams. 

Alhamdulillah..

And for teaching today, it was quite tiring. I'm feeling so sleepy right now 😭 doesn't matter how long I could take a nap. If I go  outside to teach at the school in the afternoon, in the evening after magrib, I absolutely started feeling sleepy. But, sometimes you know, there are some students when you are with them, teaching them, the sleepiness just dissapeared. But then, after I finished teaching them, it gets back again like right now 😂😅 but hold on, it suddenly just dissapeared again. haha so annoying just comes and goes as it please 😞

I had one online student this morning, then I taught one class at the school. I should teach two classes, but they haven't finished with their orientation. So yeah, good for me.

in the class today, I got a little upset since one of the students didn't appreciate what I was explaining. So, I scolded the whole class 😂 Yeah, I nagged at them. Then, I sensed that they were afraid and started respecting me more. 

They just don't know yet how killer I am if I teach them in the normal lessons, not only for an extracurriculer class. Yeah, I teach English to them only one hour from 4.10 until 5.10 pm. So, I said to them, I got sweat and felt so hot since my commute is such a long trip! I rode my bike for almost one hour to get to the school. I didn't get upset when I was asking you guys, how are you today, then you said I'm bored, I'm so-so, I'm lazy. I didn't take it seriously because I know that you are tired and I wanted to validate what you felt. So, that's okay for me when you guys answer like that. Cause, I understand your feelings! But, couldn't you appreciate what I am giving to you too?!!

They suddenly lifted their shoulders and changed the way they were sitting to become, sit properly! 😂😂

Then, I said, see if I nag, it's just a waste of time! I just want you guys to really get at least one thing or something valuable from this one-hour lesson! IT'S ONLY ONE HOUR A WEEK, you guys! So, don't waste it! 

I continued explaining the lesson afterwards and giving them tasks. It was good after the nagging, they got more serious.

Yeah, that's my experience. I've been teaching like forever even since I was in senior high school, then in my university time then after. 

We have to be firm with the students. We can't lose with them. If we are afraid of them. They will eat us alive! Seriously! I'm no kidding. Students can be scary if we are weak. So, it's better that we become the scary one! 😎😂😂 

Since 2019, I've taught 4 different schools. I am always a killer one! 😂 My students said, I'm strict with time. Sometimes, I can be so serious, sometimes they can kid with me. 

Days ago, I'd been receiving a lot "I miss you word and when you get back to the school?" from my students. Sometimes, I'm confused, I was killer and strict enough to be hated. I always nagged them when they misbehaved. But, once I resigned from the school, they always looked for me and missed me. They always said, no one was there to guides us at school anymore and we became a mess! They miss my nagging, suprisingly! 

Yeah, I nag 'cause I care, a lot. 

I won't get upset if they make mistakes when they perform their speech or public speaking. I will encourage them that it's okay to make mistakes. 

I won't get upset if they can't understand my lessons no matter how much I've explained to them. 

However, I will get upset and nag them if they misbehave and when they're naughty or not polite to me or to anyone. I'll make sure that they get my nagging! 😁😂  

I guess, they know that I just really want the best from them. They know I did care with them. So, that's why, even when I was a killer teacher. They always came back to me, saying they miss me so much. 

It's the same actually, It's so hard for me every time I have to say goodbye. I've resigned 3 times from where I worked, can you imagine how devastated I was 

I miss my students also. I miss teaching in the class every weekday. But, yeah, I have a different goal right now. So, working at a school doesn't support my dreams. There is always something that we have to sacrifice when we want to reach another thing. 

So, I guess that's all!

Good night!

#Day3

 Hi... Good evening..

Today is Monday

I used to hate it 😂 Since I've worked at home, Monday is kinda relax hehe..

I mean I still have students to teach. But, it was not as tiring as before. 

Although it's reversed to be Saturdays and Sundays 😂

Yeah, that's all right. Whether I work at school or at home, it still takes my energy. 

So, the fatigue is the same. The differences are I can clean my house every day and do other chores when I work at home, and I can have a good nap hehe... Alhamdulillah.. 

I had 3 students today. 2 in the morning and 1 at night. They were all adults. 

You know, it's easier to teach adults than kids. I need extra energy if I have teach kids. But, it's harder to teach people who are older than us 😕especially if they are your boss 😐 but, yeah I've got varities of teaching experiences. I found different challenges in every student. But, that's what makes me develop my teaching skills, isn't it?

So, to sum up, every work, every job charges our energy, sometimes it's easy sometimes it's not. 

And that doesn't mean we give up! The hardships are just the ways to improve our abilities. 

So, keep up the good work for everyone! 💕💕💕

#Day2

 I just finished preparing the tomorrow's lessons for my students. Then, I shut down the laptop right away😓 But then I remembered that I hadn't written the journal, eaaa hahaha

Today was not really exhausting like yesterday since two of my students couldn't attend the online class. So, I am not feeling too tired although I had 5 students today. Yeah, I guess 5 students a day it's still okay lah. Even today, I had two naps in the afternoon. I still felt so tired from the busy day yesterday. After the naps, I became fresh again.

Hold on, I am thinking what should I write next hehe..

Actually, my whole life I've always been dealing with acceptance. There is time that I really admire the younger version of me. I was only fifteen, sixteen, but, it was easier that time to accept something unpleasant in my life, I have no idea why. Maybe because, my life was more colorful, I was a dreamer, I loved writing (sooooo much) and reading, I had good friends, I participated in many competitions, I did many thingsssss. I had a very challenging life. Besides, I had to work since I was 15 for paying my school. But, yeah life was not easy back then, but I was a very confident girl. 

Since that age until now, my life has been filled with "Until when.. until when.. I will be like this.."

I once thought that Allah doesn't love me. When I was only a teen with a hard life. But, then, Allah just showed me how He loveeeeed me so much. Back then, it was easier to accept unpleasant things even when I struggled a lot in many things. 

Why is it now not as easy as when I was that age?

I don't know. Maybe because, I have become more of a dreamer than I was ? Maybe because, I want more things?

Am I not grateful with the things which are going on in my life? 

I am. But, I always want something. And I will never stop until I get what I wanted. 

So, life feels a little boring at times when it's not like I wanted. 

However, it's true that we can't always get what we want. 

But, on the other hand, it's not true either. 'Cause I feel I always live with what I want. I always know what I want. And I will fight for achieving it!

That's why I like praying. I can always ask Allah for something I've been wanting. 

I think, if we don't ask Allah something we want, it means we never really want it that much. 

I pray to Allah even when suddenly, I want shawarma but too lazy to go out 😂 or other food that I am craving

It feels comforting when we know we can always ask anything to our God and He will love us more and more for doing that!

Okay, I guess, that's all! I'd better get ready to bed. 

I will try to learn to accept something unpleasant again. 

Always!

Building a Writing Habit (When Weekends Are Not Weekends Anymore) #Day1

Yeah, I am trying to write again. So, this is surely the day one 😁

First August huh

already.

Times always surprise me. Besides it's a mystery. It always has the answer about my sorrow and merriment. 

It's been a month already since I started working at home and teaching English online and offline. I've got 23 students  and 4 classes at the school. 

My day off has turned to Friday! 

Saturdays and Sundays are recently the busy days! (no longer weekends, no longer recharging energy, no longer being friends with laziness) hehe..

Even on Fridays, couldn't be really lazy 😂 I miss being lazy 😴

I had 7 students today, 5 online and 2 offline. This is really a new life. Teaching english but at home. I've spent more time with my laptop ever since. But, yeah this is actually what I had been wanting. 

I was tired of leaving home at 6 am and going home (almost) 6 pm every weekday for almost 8 years. I felt this year was enough. So, I resigned from the school and took the challenge. I knew my mom sometimes worried when I was going to quit my job. But, I kept telling and convincing her that my intention was that I will keep working but now it's different. It's from home. Since, I'd considered it from every aspect. 

I am not gonna lie, I once felt scared a little, what if I didn't get many students what if and the other what ifs.. But, yeah I think feeling that way it's normal. Alhamdulillah, I believe more in God. Allah has already guaranteed our provision. So I will sin if I don't believe in it. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me more than what I expected. Allah even still wanted me to teach at schools. So, here I am.. I teach two schools. I teach them English too but only as an extracurricular activity. But yeah it's not as heavy as teaching a subject.

 

It's almost eleven pm 

I am having a little headache yet I still want to make a very productive night 😂 

I don't know what to write anymore. I don't have anyone to speak English with except my students and my online sister hehe..

So, I have to keep immersing my self in English..

Omg, I am a full-time English teacher right now. Yeah a month already. Masha Allah,

I honestly still feel uncomfortable everytime I hear some of my students call me Miss 😅 I like it but I still don't feel that I deserve it. 

Cause, the more I study English , The more stupid I feel..

I feel like I know nothing 😿It's so sad actually.

But yeah, I am not gonna stop studying until I stop breathing...

Okay, Good night! Hope tomorrow I'll be back and write the other things about my life 😄

Hopefully, I get better in writing English , 

and get better in everything as well too...